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To He Who Last Fumbled My Heart

November 15, 2013

To He Who Last Fumbled My Heart,


It’s not your fault that you met me after a dozen guys had trampled my heart, meaning that I was already hurting when we met.  You gave me a chance to forget all of that hurt and give hope another try.  Thank you for that.

It’s not your fault that I overanalyzed everything that we did or said, waiting for the bottom to fall out.  I’ve been emotionally vulnerable for too long, and hurt too many times to really trust that good things will last.  You were sincere and honest but I didn’t believe you in that.

It’s not your fault that you didn’t know that in the 27 years of my life I have never really had a romantic relationship with a man where both he and I were interested in any form of commitment.  I didn’t tell you, so you couldn’t have known that I was going to turn your asking to be official into a bigger deal than it really was.  I should have explained before you did that.

It’s not your fault that we met at a time when you had no time to start a relationship.  To be fair, you did meet me on a dating site and it was you who messaged me.  But we all make mistakes, especially when we are lonely.  I can forgive you for that.

It’s not your fault that you realized that this wouldn’t work only after we had sex.  You weren’t one of the assholes that made me believe that once I slept with someone they would lose interest and stop talking to me.  It’s only an unfortunate truth that you will add to that subconscious fear and that I will resent you for that.

It is your fault that with you I was able to try to open up in ways I never had before; that I felt, if only briefly, that I wasn’t cursed and that relationships could happen in my life too.  You were kind and considerate and left me always feeling that I was a worthwhile person.  You were the sort of guy that I wanted to introduce to my friends, showing off how awesome you were.  No matter what happens, I will always remember you for that.




From → Serious Musings

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